A very cold night-- another trial thrown my way

Why do we go through such horrible trials? Why does God allow us to suffer? Why doesn't God stop the devil from his (constant) attacks? For me, it's been 7.5 years! Just when I think I'm listening to God, or just when I'm feeling blessed... BAM!

Monday evening was amazing! My little family and I were able to go to the Chris Tomlin Holy Roar Tour concert, and it was absolutely amazing!.. My 8 year old was praising God, we were all singing, and all left feeling blessed, refreshed, and closer to God and each other. But unfortunately, as it has gone in my life for the last 7+ years, when God blesses me/us, the devil attacks hard! So, i should have seen it coming...

Tues after my iPhone has been crashing and finally almost got me stranded somewhere up north (twice in a week if you include last Sat too) 😩, I decided i needed to just invest in a new phone so i started looking around. Thats when I found a company that I could have internet AND a second line for about the same (or less) than my current carrier... Not to mention actually have service when I visit my parents, lol. Anyways... I was able to get all of that, get a new phone, etc... But it took several hours so we didn't get home until after 7:00. In which we got home to a note on the door-- and ) no power! The note on the door said due to no payment. Except for my bill isn't due until the 17th?!?! (And it was the 12th). Of course I called immediately and no real person would answer. I was literally screaming at the recorder! "THIS IS A F*@%ING EMERGENCY!!!!!"  Finally the recorder says "I'll transfer you to a representative". "YES! THANK YOU!!" lol (was definitely not laughing out loud last night though 😉🤣). Anyways... Real person answered. She literally just kept telling me, "I'm sorry ma'am, this is not an emergency, I am just the emergency person, you will have to call back tomorrow morning." It was everything I could do to not scream at her. I did however tell her this was indeed an emergency! Its 25 freaking degrees outside and I have two young kids! Her response was, "then you'll just have to make other arrangements for the night". Oh, that comment set me off! I straight out told her I am a single parent, we don't have family here and nowhere else to go, that this was their mistake and I KNOW they have an emergency person that can come turn it back on! She refused and just kept telling me that there is nobody because this was not an emergency! She said there was not a damn thing she could do and not a damn other person I  could talk to!! She, of course, COULD take my money though! I was beyond livid!! I literally just hung up on her after I paused for a few seconds, and she said "ma'am are you grabbing your credit card?" Uh, no! I'm pausing and catching my breath before I come through the phone and beat your ass! 😡

Needless to say, the boys and I froze last night! We each had 3 blankets on, (and I like to sleep cold) and we were still cold!! 🥶

I explained in the beginning about the new phone... First of all, that's why we got home "after hours", but also, I had spent 2.5 hours trying to download my e-mail and facebook on my new phone so I could notify the boys' teachers and my boss, but i failed miserably! Since it was a new phone they wanted to verify it. But apparently my password was wrong from FB and then from my e-mail... I know for a fact that my fb e-mail was correct and it even said "you have entered an old password". So I began to realize I had been hacked! I know EXACTLY who hacked it. This person can hack anyone and anything at the click of his finger! I knew it would eventually happen... (probably had already I just didn't know about it 😡) But..... Now I was just straight out defeated (yup! You win, if you're reading this... But do keep in mind the boys are suffering too, and they happen to be your flesh and blood)... No power, freezing cold, and brand new phone is useless! Thankfully my old phone turned back on long enough to retrieve my bosses phone number so I was able to text her. But I wasn't able to contact the boys' teachers.

I have no battery alarm clock so I did not sleep good knowing I wouldn't wake up on time (and being so cold). I kept waking up to check the wall clock! But finally stopped because it was just too cold, so then I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep! Finally, all 3 of us shivering, we got up, got ready, went to charge my phone, and then made that phone call!!

Sure enough..... "I'm sorry. I see you're right. It was our mistake. We'll send someone as soon as we can. You do need to pay $96 though to restore the service, and we'll put it as a credit towards your bill." Are you flipping kidding me?!?!

Needless to say, I was very late to work and the boys to school today! No shower and all. Oh, but it gets even better.... A few weeks ago we got locked out of the car while it was running because the boys accidentally hit the lock button and then went back inside. Well... that happened again this morning!! Jared did it again (accidentally, of course), and I lost it! Last time I couldn't find the spare anywhere so I had to make an insurance claim for a locksmith to come unlock it. But, God knew and unbeknownst to me had prepared me for this the other day. I randomly got tired of all the crap in my room and was cleaning through some random stuff and found the spare (of course was mad at the time since it was about a week too late from the last incident, haha), but of course it was JUST in time for this one! I didn't see it as that at the time this morning. And I definitely didn't see it as a blessing. I was just too mad. But, can you imagine if I would of had to call for a locksmith again ON TOP of freezing last night at avistas "mistake"?!?! Oh. MAN!!!! Thank you God!

For 7.5 years now I have been tested, tempted, and pushed to my breaking. This time it literally just about did it. I'm still not fully "recovered", but I know I've had several prayer warriors praying today. And, in the scheme of things, it's probably also a blessing that I couldn't get on fb last night because I was so livid it would not have been too good...

This blog, and sharing such a fresh, (still open) wound with y'all, is because I just wanted to tell you to keep going. It WILL and does, get better! And you CAN get through it! (A reminder for myself as well). 

Even just a few hours ago as I sat in the Starbucks taking an extended lunch break, charging my phone and  texting my friend/boss, I was ready to just give up and throw the towel in too 😉, but now that I'm back in the world of Facebook and e-mail, (and hopefully got the hack taken care of for now), I am able to think more clearly. Last night was rough. Maybe even the roughest? But most definitely the coldest 😉🙄🥶 lol. But, this evening I am sitting here ready to reflect, ready to count blessings, and even ready to (attempt) to listen to God and His plan... With that said, I must say that the main thing my mom/parents tried to drive out of me is the one thing that has gotten me through these times-- my stubbornness! My drive to keep going. My strength comes from the Lord though, and for that I am thankful! Bring on the next trial, devil.... (and I will be sure to share it with y'all 😉🙈)

20 years

This past weekend I was chatting with a friend from church and she mentioned how her 10-year high school reunion was coming up. In that moment it clicked that my 20-year reunion is coming up next year! 20 YEARS?!?! TWENTY! Oh, my! I hadn't really thought about it until that moment. How in the world has it almost been twenty years since I was in high school? I am SO old! And yet, still feel like that innocent, naive high schooler! 

This has been a rough few months, so of course naturally this revelation has brought back so many memories, both good and bad. Specifically one about how hard forgiveness can be. I decided fo face my "bullies" my sophomore year and return to the small local high school. Eighth grade had been tough for me as it was my first public school experience and I was all but normal. I was shy. I was ugly. I was fat. I was not smart. I was not stylish. And I didn't know too many kids. That was the worst year engrained in my memory! I was bullied and I was silent. One day. One mistake changed my life forever. I'm sure nobody else even remembers it, but I remember it clear as day. Every single detail. The whispers. The looks. The words. The actions. The tears. I was alone through it all. My mom looked the other way and I didn't tell anyone. 

It was my fault. I was naive. I was sick and exhausted and I didn't want to do PE that day. I sucked at Volleyball and trying to fit in and not make a mistake, and be the last one to get picked every time, was all just too much that day. I had a lot on my mind. I didn't realize I was staring as we were changing for PE. My mind was simply wandering, as it always did. 

That day forever changed my life. It took two years before I could face my classmates (and the entire school), and return to that school. And a lot longer before I officially forgave each one of them. Our sophomore year was different though. I came back changed. I was still quiet, but not shy. I was no longer ugly. I was now stylish, skinny, and wore makeup, and I worked hard in advanced classes. I was definitely not popular, but I at least fit in, now. 

My point to this blog is that it took ME going back and facing my classmates our sophomore year to realize that they had changed too. They had grown up too. Although nobody asked for my forgiveness with words, they did with their actions. They were now kind and loving (for the most part). My junior year my parents made me to go to a private boarding school but my senior year I went back and graduated with these same classmates. Although it took several years to fully forgive them and to not let what happened affect my life, I often wonder if I had not gone back would I have been able to forgive? Twenty years later after a lot of counseling and recovery from a divorce, and having to forgive my ex husband (as well as others), I have realized that although not a single one of my classmates asked for my forgiveness, being able to forgive them cleared ME to be able to live MY life fully. It cleared ME of the burden and hatred. It really had nothing to do with them. But had I hung on to what happened, I would still be living with the nightmares and in bitterness and agony! Forgiveness was freeing for ME. And, because of that, I may actually plan on attending my 20-year reunion. Where, although we'll be there to "remember" each other, I know I am blessed to have had each of them in my life. I grew to become a strong and independent mom thanks to each of my classmates! Although they meant for it to hurt, I'm glad I didn't give up. I'm glad I am stubborn and I faced my biggest fear-- and forgiveness was the result. As promised God wiped away my tears and turned them into blessings! Here's to many more reunions together.