For those of you who didn't know, I really wanted to breastfeed and had planned on it, however, in my head it was a "natural" process so of course it would be easy, right? WRONG!! Here is my "journal" (mostly writing to my lactation consultant). I would like to share this, not to scare you away from wanting to breastfeed (for those of you new or to-be moms,) but so that you don't go into it with the same mind-set as I did (and also for me to remember in the future).
In the hospital-After birth my nipples became inverted. Jared could not latch on. Tried nipple shield. Very difficult. He was very jaundice, and I wasn't producing colostrum yet. Nurse gave him a bottle with formula. I started pumping vigorously. Continued to try to get him to latch. Fed him formula through a tube, and also in a cup. Really did not want to give him a bottle, but he was SO fussy the third night and the nurses were busy, so Bryce and I gave him a bottle because we couldn't get him to latch! Every different nurse had their own ideas and suggestions, which made it very difficult to just stick with something. Nurse gave him a pacifer as we left the hospital because he was so fussy.
Dec 4-HOME
Dec 6-Went to see lactation consultant
Dec 7- .last night he ate perfectly up through 12 pm, refused it at 3pm, (I tried again I think an hour later), but didn't eat until almost 6am!!!! Then today I tried at 8 am, nothing, but he ate at 9am, 11 am, and 1pm just fine. Refused at 3pm and 4pm. My husband syringe fed him about .5 an oz at 5pm, but that didn't work well either. Tried nursing at 6pm, w/my husbands help he ate a tiny amount.
The problem is that he falls sound asleep, and no matter what we try we can't wake him! or he won't latch on at all, and just screams! And he will just sleep all night and day if we let him, he doesn't even wake up w/a dirty diaper! I just don't understand?
Saw his doc today, maybe he didn't hear me, but I told him last night he didn't eat for almost 6 hours but he didn't say anything. In L&D the nurse told me to call his doc if he doesn't eat for 4 hours...
Dec 7- hadn't eaten since 1pm and we have tried all afternoon to wake him up! Tried a bottle about an hour ago and he still wouldn't wake up! was walking out the door to go to ER when bryce finally got him awake! He ate 2 oz of bottle now... I think we're just gonna bottle feed him tonight :-(
w/the bottle just now Bryce had to literally force it in his mouth, and after about 20 min of that, he woke up. I tried that all day w/the breast, but he would literally wake up for about 2 sec, latch, suck, not swallow, fall asleep!!
Dec 7-same weight
he isn't gaining weight since getting out of the hosp... We are still struggling on and off w/nursing! Last night he refused two feedings, so went almost 6 hrs w/out eating!!! Today w/bryce's help we got a tiny bit down him about an hour ago, other than that, he hasn't eaten since 1:00!!! Doc doesn't seem worried, but I am!!! Besides the fact that I had "flu-like" symptoms this afternoon (which the nurse told me would happen and is normal?) I WILL NOT GIVE UP, I WILL NOT GIVE UP, I WILL NOT GIVE UP!!!!!!!!! HEHE...
Dec 8- once in awhile, the feedings are great, however VERY rare, usually he fights it but will eventually give in, latch, and nurse for about 10 minutes. Usually he will latch, then let go, and do that several times over and my nipple gets really slippery so that its hard for him to latch back on. The right side is a whole other story though. He rarely ever latches on, and when he does its only for a few sucks! So I've just been pumping, pumping, pumping on that side, however its still more full, and sore.
The syringe feeding did not go well, (that's why he only got about 1/2 oz),Jared kept choking on it (no matter how slowly he gave it,) and he just screamed.
finally got 2 oz down him via bottle (at 8pm), he had runny diarrhea all over the place.
I had a temp of 103 when we checked at 3:30! I honestly was dehydrated though, got LOTS of fluids down, and temp came down, and a few hours later I felt much better.
stretch marks becoming "blistery"! itch SO bad and have turned into bumps, and I also have "new" rashy bumps in the area...
Still pumping, although yesterday I didn't pump as much as I should have...
Birth: 7.11- After birth: 7.3- 2 days after birth: 7.35- Sat:7.35- Sun(before nurse):7.35, (after nurse):7.45-Mon:7.35(before nurse), 7.45 (after nurse)- Tues(doc):7.45(nursed about 1/2hr prior)...
He's been waking up on his own wanting to eat, sometimes even every hour :-)
And the time or two we woke him up, it worked... Last night went good too... He actually woke up on his own about every 2 1/2 hrs, once though he woke up and didn't get full enough so he kept waking up every 20 minutes after that to feed. So, with that said really our main problem now (I think) is that he wants to eat, latches on, but then falls sound asleep. Either that or he latches on, sucks once, and then lets go, and does that several times over. I think we also realized our "problem"... And I feel absolutely terrible about this... In a way, I was actually denying him of food! Due to all of the troubles we had in the hosp, every nurse had their own ideas/suggestions, and it got really confusing for us, so I had things all twisted up and didn't follow my own instincts (I guess you could say). I was told to put him on a schedule and feed him every 2 hours (somehow I got the idea that I wasn't supposed to let him feed sooner than that two hours!!) Anyways, basically he would wake up at night, but just a little fussy so I would just give him the pacifier, and he would fall back asleep. Because of this, I just assumed he was a "fussy" baby and needed the pacifier. But really, he was hungry!! It just kind of clicked last night because someone sent me a website about pacifiers and breast feeding (which I knew was bad, but the nurse said it was okay after eating and doc said it was okay. And I thought he was just going to cry a lot like in the hospital, and the pacifier was going to be our only "save"...)Then... last night he did the same thing, he woke up several times during the night "fussy" so I immediately picked him up and fed him (IT WORKED...YAY). And he hasn't had the pacifer (or bottle) since :-)
The only problem w/that is that he was super tired so would only nurse for about 5-10 minutes (which I'm guessing isn't enough?)I'm feeling pretty good about it right now, he's been latching on and nursing great all day, so hopefully we don't have a repeat of last night EVER again!! (btw, we were on our way out the door to the ER when finally my husband was able to get him to accept the bottle... after 7 HOURS of not eating!!)
Dec 9- If I only had one boob we'd be golden ;-)
He hasn't taken to the right side for a good feeding probably since you saw him... I try at almost every feeding, I've tried both positions (though I'M not so good @ the football). In fact, early this morning we worked on it for over an hour. I tried changing his diaper to get his mind off of it, I tried switching to the left for a minute and then going back, and I tried just letting him struggle w/it, cry, etc... I just don't know why! Oh, but he does latch on once in awhile but only for 1-2 sucks, and I noticed he just has the nipple in his mouth. Second... He is going GREAT about waking up on his own now :-)
All day yesterday he woke up to be fed every 1-3 hours, but last night it was more like every 3-4 hours, is that too long? I didn't wake him up mostly because I was curious if he would on his own...the only thing "strange" w/my body is my stretch marks have become very "blistery"! I called my doc though and he didn't seem concerned, just basically told me to take benadryl (but I refuse to take that...) so I am just continuing to lather them in lotion...
Dec 10- Had a doc appt today and he's still at 7.4... Fed him after he got circumcised and he gained an oz... Not sure what to think, I guess its good he's not losing? However, I'm disappointed I wish we had something to "show" for all the hard work ;-)
Dec 13- struggling with-is telling whether or not he's actually "drinking" the milk or just using me as a "pacifier"?!.. (like for instance the 1 1/2 hr feeding yesterday).
got him to latch on once today after about 20-30 minutes of the on-off struggle... (even on our "good side"). I don't understand why he started that all of a sudden, cuz I thought we were on the "right" track and starting to do good :-S
I'm honestly not sure at this point if we are ever going to get the hang of nursing!! I'm sitting at the computer here still in my jammies :-(
I just finished giving him a bottle :-( (yeah, I gave up...) He hasn't latched since yesterday, all night was on and off, on and off... and then he would "pass out" after 10 minutes of that! He continued w/that this morning and this afternoon, and I just don't know what to do anymore (and my husband wasn't home to help,) so I just gave him a bottle (of bm of course)...I am thinking, (as of right now,) that maybe I will just continue doing that... I will just see how long I can pump until my supply runs out and maybe he will keep "suckling" a little to keep it going? But I did realize when i was giving him the bottle that I already "miss" it! And I don't know why all of a sudden he isn't latching because yesterday he did amazing! I would have sworn he probably gained a POUND! lol. He ate for an hour and a half once, an hour once, and a half hour twice, but then last night he stopped and wouldn't latch again today!
Dec 13-"Some is better than none!" had to give bottle.
have PLENTY of milk... It's him that's causing the problems? Yesterday was GREAT, but last night and today was on again and off again for 10 min and then he'd "pass out" and refuse to wake up, so I thought it would be better in the am, but it wasn't. now at 3:30, he still hasn't "latched" all day!! so yes, I had to give him a bottle at around 2 (of my milk)...
Dec 14-gained 6 oz, latching on again.
Dec 15-2 steps forward, 1 step back. took benedryl, gave baby bottle
Dec 16-to ER for rash
Dec 17-I have noticed that lately he almost always "chugs" on the left side. Even if we start on the right, and even if he's on the right side for a 1/2 hr or longer, when I put him on the left he inhales it!!I've also noticed that when I have to "force" him awake every two hours he doesn't seem to eat as well (especially at night)
And... during the day he wants to suck for what seems like forever! It's hard for me to see/hear him swallowing, but sometimes I am just assuming he's using me as a "pacifier"(sometimes for 1 1/2+hrs). But sometimes he really IS drinking that whole time!!
I guess I just don't feel very confident as to whether I'm doing the right thing or not (if there's such thing? lol)
Dec 17-screaming
Dec 18- I've noticed that its actually really hard to get him to nurse well at night, but then I think because of that he wants to nurse all day long! He's still hard to wake up at night, but when he finally does wake up, he only nurses for about 10 or so minutes and falls sound asleep again! Last night I actually had to give him a small bottle after nursing for a few minutes because he was "fighting" it and I was super miserable and the nursing was making it worse!
taking up ALL of my time (keeps me from even being able to eat/drink for myself) because he is literally nursing (sucking?) for 1 1/2 hrs sometimes.... and then turns around and nurses again in 1/2 hr-1 hr... eeks!! Like I said, I'm just so unsure of what I "should" be doing and feel so un-confident, but am trying to figure it all out...
As for the right side... I try to start on that side every other time (or sometimes more,) but especially at night when I'm really tired, "(I)" also favor the left, lol. I pumped and nursed at the same time this morning for the first time and it definitely worked, I got almost 1 oz in just a few minutes, where as yesterday I was having a hard time getting 1 oz total from BOTH breasts!!
As for this darn rash.... I'm not sure what's up with it (and neither do the docs apparently!!) I've been to the ER twice now (first time was a waste of time,) I've tried every possible topical cream for it, tried benadryl, and now they have me on prednisone, this morning was my second dose of it. As of yesterday it wasn't working so hopefully today that changes, or I'm not sure what to do! Last night it officially spread to my breasts (which kind of scares me)... now its all up and down my legs, arms, back, feet, and breasts (basically everywhere)!! Like I said, last night I couldn't even complete nursing because it hurt so bad, I was very miserable!! ugh!!
Dec 18-taking prednisone for rashes
Dec 19- doing good as of this morning. He's latching really great now :-)
(on both sides). And I don't want to say this too soon, but I'm getting a lot more confident that all will be well... He's such a little trouper :-)Dec 21-very gassy
Dec 24-So, things are not going well right now, but I'm NOT quite ready to "give up", but yet I really don't know what to do!
the doc we saw yesterday was concerned about his height/weight ratio so didn't really address his tummy issue or the fact that he is ALWAYS wanting to eat! So, now the problem is that he is literally always wanting to eat! I keep thinking its because he's just "security feeding" because his tummy hurts, but he "roots" and is actually trying to drink and then getting frustrated- which makes me wonder if I'm producing enough? I used to be able to pump 2-4 oz a few times a day and now can barely get 1/2-1 oz (from BOTH breasts!!)
He's still having wet diapers (though not as many as before,) but hasn't gone poop since midnight on Wednesday! He's been gassy and I can feel and hear his intestines going crazy!
I ended up giving him a bottle of formula last night because I guess I was paranoid from the doc yesterday that he isn't getting "enough calories"... Today he is nursing again, however since he is wanting to nurse every 1/2-1 hour, I gave him two bottles of bm between the nursing. (yesterday the doc told me not to feed him more often than every 2 hours to let my supply have enough time to build back up?...)
Like I said, I'm not ready to give up, but I am about as close as it gets... I know his tummy hurts, but now I'm also not sure if he's getting enough? I just want my happy baby back :-)
Dec 26-bottle and nursing (eating a lot)
Dec 27- I am so frustrated, its not funny anymore! Here it is, 1:00, I haven't showered, eaten, pumped, or even peed yet! I started at about 9:45 this morning to try feeding him w/the tube. Yeah, that just ended at 12:30!! 2 1/2 hours!! He ended up drinking the full 2 oz+whatever he got from the breast, however, it took that full 2 1/2 hours because he was screaming on and off the whole time! Finally I got him to accept it on the left side and he fell asleep, a few minutes later woke up, so I switched him to the right and we started the "process" all over... Eventually he settled down and was nursing great, and finished the 2 oz, and fell asleep. And of course I had no idea what time it was, so when I got up and put him in the swing, he woke up and was hungry again! (I guess the process had taken so long that by the time we were done, he was hungry again!) Needless to say, I just got done giving him 2oz of formula! Now he is sound asleep... The tube worked, and he got the amount he needed (and I know I could use it w/formula) however, it took entirely too long, and was nearly impossible to do by myself!! This is basically taking away from me being able to enjoy him! And because of that, I'm not sure if its worth it?
Jan 3- small nasal passage (hard to breathe while nursing)
Jan 9- I guess he's doing about the same. A lot is still going on though, hopefully we're figuring some of it out though. We are pretty sure he does have colic (still trying to figure out why.) Fri night he was screaming until 2:30 am!! But last night he slept like a baby all night (woke up to be fed and went right back to sleep) :-)
I just happened to look up the "side effects" of the fenugreek and blessed thistle yesterday and both of them say diarrhea/gas/bloated!!!! (yikes!) all of which poor little Jared has had this past week or two! Needless to say, I quit taking them as of last night. I have gotten a few good feedings in where he actually nurses himself to sleep :-)
But the majority of the time, yes, he will still only eat for 5 minutes and start crying (another reason I want to try the breast flow bottles is to "rule" out if its due to him "being lazy" or having problems with latching). But he actually does have problems latching (and breathing) w/the bottle too once in awhile! So, I just don't know!!Jan 14- unfortunately mostly being bottle fed now! :-(
It was just too stressful seeing him like that (on, off, scream, on, off, scream!) and not knowing why... He is doing okay w/the bottle although he even has a hard time w/it sometimes too! I am still pumping at least a few times/day and he will usually also breastfeed a few times per day (only about 5-10 minutes though.)
He was/is also acting colicky, his doc gave him "baby" zantac which seems to work a little... (he may possibly have a form of GERD?) Just too much going on, and it was getting too stressful... However, we did order those bottles, so hopefully they get here soon, and hopefully I can still produce enough to keep breastfeeding in case we are able to get him back to the breast... That's basically our "last resort", but mostly I'm just curious if its a latching issue? Just curious to see how he acts when its a bottle but he has to "work for it", so hopefully the bottles work like they say they do?
Jan 24-trying the breast flow bottles. They work, and he does fine with them, however, they're very difficult to handle. Hubby wants to just go back to a regular bottle.
Feb 11-latched on for a few minutes
THE END.
Suggestions/Comments very much appreciated (as I WILL be breastfeeding the next one....)
